Warpath Bachelorette Round 2


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BY MADDY MORIARTY AND JONATHAN HANLEY

Welcome to round 2 of the annual mock-Bachelorette competition brought to Mariemont High School by the Warpath.

We began round 1 with 5 eligible bachelors, but by the end, Mathew Teeters was tragically eliminated.

Now that only 4 contestants remain, the competition is heating up.

The 2015 Bachelorette (PHOTO BY JACOBS)

The 2015 Bachelorette (PHOTO BY JACOBS)

This is the second of three elimination rounds of written interviews with the contestants. After this round, Haley will choose who moves on based on their answers, until only two bachelors remains.

The remaining two bachelors will be the finalists to compete for the ultimate prize: Haley’s heart.

 

Round 2 Questions: 

1.) Who would wear the pants in the relationship?

2.) If your family didn’t like Haley how would you convince them otherwise? How would you make Haley comfortable?

3.) Are you a fan of PDA? When is the proper time?

4.) What movie would you choose to watch with just Haley? What would you watch with Haley and her parents? What would you choose to watch with Haley and her friends?

Alex Vago (Senior) 

1.) Haley. I’ve always been a fan of powerful women.

2.) Clearly, this would never actually happen as the laws of nature do not allow Haley Jacobs to be disliked. However, should a freak accident occur and my family just can’t handle her sheer awesomeness, I would disown myself. I would remind Haley that in this world there are those who just don’t get it, we’ll call them “haters”.

Senior contestant Alex Vago displaying his musical talent on stage. (VAGO)

Senior contestant Alex Vago displaying his musical talent on stage. (VAGO)

3.) The answer is simply no. The proper time is when the “P” is not part of the acronym.

4.) A movie that I would watch with just Haley would probably be UP. I want Haley to see past my very tough, intimidating, and manly outer shell. Because I cry without fail every time I watch UP, it’s the perfect fit for showcasing my soft side. Because Haley’s parents seem like the kind of people who like to laugh, I would probably choose something comical to watch. Something along the lines of Napoleon Dynamite. Let’s be completely honest here, if I’m with Haley and her friends watching a movie there is a very slim chance that the movie I choose is the one we actually watch, so the ultimate decision would be up to her and her friends. That being said I would recommend something neutral, such as Fifty Shades of Grey.

Haley’s Response

1.) I would like a relationship where we both share the pants equally.
2.) Aw Alex how sweet! Haters gonna hate!!!! Except I would really like to get to know Mr. and Mrs. Vago so maybe I can try to win them over???
3.) Great answer Al…PDA is never okay.
4.) I love UP so great choice…and I love that you’re keeping the fam in mind with your second choice. But I’m not so sure Fifty Shades of Gray is neutral and I think I would feel very uncomfortable watching that with a male.

Albert Nowitzki – 17  (Senior)

1.) I would, in order to stand up for all of the oppressed men in the world.

2.) If my family and Haley didn’t get along I’d invite our families to get together for a good old, friendly game of twister.

3.) I don’t care about PDA. In Europe it’s okay to show your affection for someone you like at anytime. We don’t think it’s a big deal.

Junior contestant and German foreign exchange student, Albert Nowitzki. (PHOTO BY MORIARTY)

Junior contestant and German foreign exchange student, Albert Nowitzki. (PHOTO BY MORIARTY)

4.) A movie that I would watch with just Haley would be Fight Club. I think it’s one of the best movies every made because it’s deep and has intense plot twists. For Haley and her parents I would choose The Wolf on Wall Street to educate the whole family about my future career plans. I would show Haley and her friends The Matrix.

Haley’s Response

1.) No thank you
2.) That kind of weird but okay just count my dad out because he would never ever be able to play a game of twister…he doesn’t bend.
3.) I get that it’s different in other countries…but 100 percent no from me.
4.) I’ve never seen any of those movies….but I know enough that my parents would not enjoy Wolf on Wall Street.

Connor Dougherty (Sophomore) 

Sophomore contestant Connor Daughtery. (PHOTO BY DAUGHTERY)

Sophomore contestant Connor Daughtery. (PHOTO BY DAUGHTERY)

1.) Haley of course! I want to obey her because every idea she has ever had is magnificent. I feel like she would be able to guide our relationship in the proper way.

2.) I don’t even need to answer this question because of course my family likes Haley. She is going to Kentucky.

3.) Yes I am a fan of PDA. That is necessary in a caring and loving relationship so the proper time is ALL THE TIME! <3

4.) For movie night with just Haley, I would watch Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Squeakquel. If it was Haley and her parents I would watch Sharknado 2. With Haley and her friends I would watch The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl!

Haley’s Response

1.) Thanks….but I want you to have some opinions of your own.
2.) Go cats! #BBN
3.) Terrible answer
4.) Too bad I hate all of those movies ://///////

 

Matt McGrory (Freshman) 

1.) I treat “wearing the pants” more like a three legged race, our love binds our legs together and we both have one leg “in the pants.”
2.) If my family didn’t like Haley that would be a critical issue in our relationship. In order to solve this problem I would give my family one chance to correct their mistakes in character judgment. If they continued to not like Haley, I would immediately sever all ties I have with them and go to live a life with Haley on the rails. I would comfort Haley by telling her that family shouldn’t matter when our love is so passionate and strong like a noble stallion.
3.) When it comes to PDA you have to be very careful to limit your bursting emotions. I think that only time to show your love is when the moment is right. You should show how much you care when you feel like this is the time to show everyone just how passionate your love is.

Freshman contestant

Freshman contestant (PHOTO BY MCGRORY)

It doesn’t need to have a proper time you just do it whenever you feel it, but not to excess.
4.) The movie I would watch with just Haley is Titanic. I would watch something a little more mellow with Haley and her parents that would make me seem more sophisticated such as The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Finally the movie I would watch with Haley and her friends would be the beautifully directed Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 in theater to enjoy some nice quality PG humor and fun on the big screen.

Haley’s Response 

1.) Greatest answer so far! Matt truly understands…love!
2.) I’m happy that you would give me more chances to impress them before you sever all ties!
3.) Decent answer, I’m still not about it though
4.) Great choices! I can’t wait until Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 comes out!