Hearing Voices: What Do Your Teachers Actually Sound Like?


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BY ELLIE KAPCAR

The word “voice” is defined by the American Heritage Dictionary as “A specified quality, condition, or pitch of vocal sound.” We listen to the same teachers’ voices as they lecture, teach or talk every bell of every day. We know their voices well enough; we could probably match teachers to their voices with our eyes closed.

But have you ever really thought about what your teachers’ voices sound like? When NPR posted a series on vocal impressions, they encouraged readers to send in their own word descriptions of iconic voices.

For example, NPR Listeners described Morgan Freeman’s voice as…
“The way ‘Old Spice’ smells” -Jason Matthew
“The perfect pie crust” -Donna Hartmen
“The scruff of Dad’s beard” -Collette McGruder

Warpath has recreated a similar response featuring the descriptions of all of your favorite teachers’ voices. The MHS body has concluded…

Dictator Vanags lording over his chilly empire. (PHOTO BY KAPCAR)

Dictator Vanags lording over his chilly empire. (PHOTO BY KAPCAR)

Mr. Vanags
“A human foghorn” -Fiona Kane, junior
“Gargling marbles” -Nina Payiatis, junior
“A monkey choking on tinfoil” -Scott Overbey, junior
“A dictator”- Stephanie Renner, sophomore
“A cold weight room” -Michael Reber, junior
“A well-baked potato” -Kyle Neinaber, junior
“Someone about to spit their uvula out” -Fiona Kane
“If calves could talk” -Cohen Bailey, junior

Mr. Wolfford
“Southern maple syrup” -Jack Mathis, junior
“Old-timey banjos”-Alex Wilson, sophomore
“A blind, confused fox trying to find its way home” -Gordon Goodwin, junior
“A southern beehive” -Nina Payiatis
“Tuxedos at a county fair”- Sydney Seeger, sophomore
“A sheriff from an old Western movie” -Jeffrey Timmers, senior
“A wanna be cowboy in NYC” -Cameron Hollander, sophomore
“A southern bbq” -Santi Martinez, junior

Ferry Beary is't very scary. (PHOTO BY KAPCAR)

Ferry Beary is’t very scary. (PHOTO BY KAPCAR)

Mr. Ferry
“Like a dad reading a bedtime story” -Erin Ramey, sophomore
“A teddy bear” -Emily Ferguson, junior
“An antique model Mercedes” -Alex Wilson
“A thick sweater -Jack Mathis
“Magnum cum murmere montis” -Cohen Bailey

Mr. Block
“Anthony Dimichele” -Jack Mathis
“A rock” -Danielle Bryan, sophomore
“Mr. Moseby from the Suite Life of Zack & Cody” -Erin Ramey
“Terror.” -AJ Walter, junior
“A stop sign or crossing guard” -Bobby Dennerll, junior
“Like my dad trying to be cool and strict at the same time” -Kyle Neinaber, junior
“The casserole your mom forces you to eat” -Gordon Goodwin

 

The look on his face says it all. (PHOTO BY KAPCAR)

The look on his face says it all. (PHOTO BY KAPCAR)

Mr. Hanley
“A sarcastic teenager” -Bobby Dennerll
“The passive aggressive fish customers at the Krusty Krab” -Alex Wilson
“That kid in college who never left his dorm because he studied so much” -Nina Payiatis
“A thesaurus of grandpa quotes”- Sydney Seeger
“Sleep-deprivation and sass” -Fiona Kane
“Accidentally getting too much hot sauce on your burrito” -Ben Phelan, junior
“Ratatouille” -Jack Mathis
“You can hear the pain in his voice because he’s bald at age thirty” -Santi Martinez
“Slipping on the kitchen floor in your socks but not falling” -Nina Payiatis

Mr. Kuhn
“A balloon full of sand being slowly deflated” -Nina Payiatis
“A mellow mushroom” -Emily Ferguson
“A happy alien” -Nathalie Weiss, junior
“Bill Nye the Science Guy” -Jacob Gunner, sophomore
“One of those contestants on The Voice that you don’t expect to have a good voice but they actually do” -Alex Wilson
“Opening the wrapper of a cheese stick” -Fiona Kane
“Blues Clues” -Nina Payiatis
“The churning of butter in an Amish village” -Cohen Bailey

Mr. Wiseman
“A gesticulating cat” -Gordon Goodwin
“Controlled uncomfortableness” -Aaron Urevick, senior
“Fifteen shades of awkward but you love it anyways” -Jack Mathis
“A fine red wine” -Alex Wilson
“A kitten that needs to go to the bathroom” -Scott Overbey, junior

Mr. Radloff
“A croaky frog” -Charlie Zack, junior
“A popcorn kernel that’s stuck in the back of your teeth and you can’t get out” -Courtney Dunning, junior
“Cattails along the banks of a pond” -Nina Payiatis
“A bale of hay lit on fire” -Will Weston, sophomore
“Like eating a carton of saltine crackers with nothing to drink” -Ben Phelan
“The teacher from South Park: Mr. Mackey” -Mac Nelson, senior
“A cricket falling at terminal velocity” -Kyle Neinaber
“Like eating a cookie that you think is chocolate chip but it turns out it’s actually oatmeal raisin… which isn’t necessarily a bad thing” -Kyle Neinaber
“The leftover meal that’s better when you eat it a day later” -Cohen Bailey

L-Dub using her iconic banana voice on her favorite banana phone. (PHOTO BY KAPCAR)

L-Dub using her iconic banana voice on her favorite banana phone. (PHOTO BY KAPCAR)

Mrs. Leatherwood
“Your mom” -AJ Walter
“Opening a brand new book for the first time” -Scott Overbey
“A nice cigar and a glass of iced tea” -AJ Walter
“A sine curve” -Seth Medlin, junior
“Cursive handwriting” -Nathalie Weiss
“Like traveling through the Swiss alps at the end of the Sound of Music” -Fiona Kane
”Someone trying to do a really bad impression of Amy Poehler” -Kyle Neinaber
“A banana” -AJ Walter
“A minion” -Jack Mathis

Mr. Commins
“The tomato from veggie tales” -Kyle Howe, junior
“The friendly mailman you feel obliged to say hi to on a daily basis” -Courtney Dunning
“That one uncle you haven’t seen in 6 months so you don’t know whether or not to hug them” -Charles Schooler, junior

Tweet us your funniest descriptions of teachers’ voices, and they may be featured in a followup article.